Author: Judy Gruen
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Air travel today has become an exercise in Darwin, where only the Olympic fitness survive. Frankly, given the necessary physical and psychological strength, I am surprised that no one will agree to fly anywhere now. Indignities abound, including the strip-poker antics in the airport security line. First you lose your shoes, then his belt, then his hat if he dared to use one. You whip relentlessly informal photo ID to TSA agents stationed every five feet all the way to the gate, being careful to refrain from making jokes about bombs hidden, even if the jokes are very smart. These are indeed great sacrifices. However, the most stressful part is that direct flights have gone the way of complimentary food trays, the difference that no one misses the airline meal. Let's say you live in Los Angeles and will have to fly to San Francisco for a meeting. Sounds easy, right? Wrong! Today, only you can fly from Los Angeles to San Francisco via a stopover in Atlanta. Even when you die, you will not be able to catch a flight to heaven without a ladder long in Atlanta first. (If you go to hell, its temporary stop in Dallas-Fort Worth.) You have two hours between connecting flights, which believes it is time to spare. But rarely do, having Sprint as a football player to move a Hail Mary, maneuvering around the billions of other travelers who also are stuck with scales (or hangover) in Atlanta. Midway through his board gate14 at Terminal B, where it landed at 89F outside the terminal Z, which will leave again, his luggage lost a wheel. You schlep it appeared for miles, as painful blows against his right shin in each step. Danger lurks too close to the food court. The heady aroma of Cinnabon makes you realize that these cheap airlines that have starved to death, almost to death. Although boarding your flight, you should buy a sticky bun to prevent hunger immediately. Risking everything, it stops at Cinnabon to rest his bruised leg and buy bread sticky. This presents a new problem, since the pasta is the size of your hand luggage, and now you have to double check your laptop, which is planned to complete its report for the meeting in San Francisco, or sticky bun . Reasonably, check the laptop, because they can write a coherent report on an empty stomach? Naturally, the flight is oversold and low oxygen, but extra oxygen is available for only $ 20.00 per passenger. You press the button to recline your seat, instantly breaking the nose of the passenger behind you. "Hey!" the little man bleeding on the 29F notes. You are mortified that it hurt, but can not help but worry: Who will sue you first, the passenger or the airline? His next concern, of course, is that as soon they will serve coffee to go with your giant sticky bun. Judy Gruen is the author of two award-winning humor books, including "Till We eat again: Confessions of a deserter from the diet." Read more of his columns in http://www.judygruen.com.